The Ultimate Nairobian Lady

Wednesday, 20 January 2010 03:00

Written by Lulu

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“If I was a woman life in Nairobi would be a bed of roses, damn I wish I was a woman”, one of my male friends said as we were taking a drink one evening.

“Why?” I asked.

“You see, girls can easily survive in Nairobi; comfortably pay rent, go shopping, invest and hangout with friends without a hustle. Look, all you need is five financially stable men. Man one takes care of your rent and anything that goes with it; water, electricity, repairs e.t.c.

"Man 2 is for household shopping, anything that you require in the house he provides; Man 3 shops for your jewellery and clothes you know you have to be fashionable otherwise they will all disappear. Remember non of them is with you because of love so you need to be on toes; Man four is your investment guy, every single coin you get from him goes to stock and shares you have to think about your future as you wont be young forever; and finally the final guy, make sure he’s handsome and young because he’ll be the one to hang out wit

“You don’t wan to be seen in a club with your father’s age mate, it’s shameful, so you let this one take care of your bills and he should also take care of your pocket money. Oooh…..and make sure that the first four are all married, that way you wont be scared of being busted and they will nag  you less and they know what a woman needs without being asked.

“You don’t have to follow them around for a few thousands. With these five, your life is smooth you don’t need employment, go out there and start a well researched business. Now you are the ultimate Nairobian lady, within a year people will be calling you independent woman because you’ll need no man as you would be financially stable with a business and a thousand and one other investments. See it’s all called brain game and how well you can play it,” he concluded taking a sip of his cold Tusker.

All the way home I was thinking about the probability of playing those cards well and being able to keep five men without either of them suspecting anything.  About them paying rent and stuff wasn’t much of a surprise to me since I have seen a dozen of my age mates getting those necessities but its not a smooth road to follow when you find one of those crying at your door because the man walked out on them when they couldn’t meet their demands!

It takes me back to my college years where two of my schoolmates were rivals just because one of them was going out with the others daddy. This one gal would report late on a new semester because the dad couldn’t pay her fees in time, while the other would have her dad and Mr. Old boyfriend give her school fees. So she would spend the boyfriend’s money treating us with drinks after classes or during sports days. We wouldn’t say no since we couldn’t afford buying our own drinks and she had to spend to bribe us into being her friends. Then we would spend almost all morning stopping their constant fights.

The next day as I was going to my daily hustling at the National theatre to check on the notice board for the latest auditions, I was listening to the infamous Classic FM. The topic? ‘Nairobi lady’.  A lady called in supporting the motion about the man to man investment policy. She had gone out with a man for less than three months and managed to have saved over half a million. Half a million from a man who isn’t your brother, father or son. I have never been given more than three thousand in a month by my brother leave alone my father. Maybe when I was in college and the money I got wouldn’t be enough for expenses and savings. Am sure that man has probably never given his mother a quarter of that amount.

I got to the theater where I raised the topic with a few of my pals and let us say that from that day it wouldn’t surprise me if a lady walks to me and tells me she can keep more than the five my men my pal said he could keep if he were a lady.

Though my biggest question still remains; ‘how do you overwork yourself to fill a mistress’s account?’

Over here! I wouldn’t mind getting a generous man as long as he doesn’t demand favours!!

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